Blog Archives

Caring For The Stroke Victim

1/22/2016

During my years in nursing, one of the most emotionally difficult and perplexing patients to care for were the stroke victims. It was of no fault of theirs. It was caused by the realities of the limitations the patient had to deal with, and learn to work thru them, if possible.

Depending on the extent of the damage done to their bodies, the disabilities ranged from mild dysfunctions to complete loss of mobility, becoming wheelchair bound, losing the ability of the hands, and speech. The most difficult to accept and overcome seemed to be when they became speech impaired. This often caused times of great frustration, with outbursts of anger, tears, and refusal to cooperate with the nursing staff.

When these situations took place, I would have to take into consideration the level of suffering they were enduring, and ask myself if I would react any better if I were in their place. Many times the stroke victim comes to realize they have turned a page in their lives that will be forever different. They not only have lost physical health, they are facing the realities of losses of homes, family routines that will never be the same, and many of the things they’ve held dear in their personal lives.

If someone in your family has suffered a stroke, and you are finding it difficult to know how to react to the drastic range of emotions, and physical needs of the patient, these are some things I’ve learned over the years, and hope they may help you.

1. Don’t take the tears, anger, or frustration personally. Focus on the immediate need of the loved one, and do what you can to the best of your ability. Give them love, and embrace them. You don’t have to try to have the answers, just be there with compassion; and do what you can to make them as comfortable as possible.

2. After some time has passed, many times they will snap out of it, and it will be as if it never happened; go right along with it. Forget it, and inject love, and joy in your caring routine as much as possible. This strategy lightens the atmosphere tremendously, and the more you use this to your advantage, the less the moments of stress and trauma will occur.

3. When you are helping the stroke victim in their rehabilitation exercises, pay attention to their level of strength, and when they start showing signs of fatigue. Depending on the seriousness of the stroke, they may become tired after only a few minutes of therapy at a time; stop before it causes them pain, or they become agitated. If you try to overdo it, you will have problems with cooperation. As they regain strength and mobility, increase slowly and gradually. Keeping in constant communication with the doctor and nursing staff, in very important to give you the guidance you need in caring for your loved one.

4. Try to emphasize the things the victim can do, and give much encouragement.

5. Be attentive to the things your loved one may find joy and pleasure in that they could benefit from, such as reading material, music they enjoy, radio stations they may like to listen to. These also aide in their regaining certain functions that were lost from the stroke.

6. When they recover enough to do so, try to take them out of the sick room (whether it is the hospital, nursing home, or their own bedroom), and take them for a short drive, even if it is only a short drive. This is of tremendous value to them, it lifts their spirits, brings hope back into their lives, and gives them the simple pleasure of seeing the beauty of the scenery, activity of the world again, and helps them regain the desire to live again.

7. If you are caring for a stroke victim full time; take care of yourself. When you need to, go for a ride, do something for yourself. Make sure you take a needed break as often as you need to. Don’t feel guilty about this, if you become run down, and depressed, you cannot be the agent of healing for the loved one in your care. Taking care of yourself, will help you take care of your loved one.

A Trip To The Store

1/22/2016

I had to go to the store for a few things. I stalled, and tried to think if I could manage without the things that seemed so important, because I knew how crowded it would be. But, it couldn’t be avoided, I had to go. So I got in my faithful truck and away I went. While I was on my way, I talked to myself, “don’t let the crowds bother you, just focus on what your there for, get what I need, and be as quick about it as possible.”

On the way in, out of the corner of my eye, I saw an elderly gentleman, walking slowly with a cane. Several young people came up behind him, and kept on going, never slowed down a bit. At almost a run, they swerved around him, missing him by only inches. As they went on in front of them, they started at an all-out run, laughing as they went. The elderly man had stopped completely, waiting to see if any more were coming behind him, and if he was about to be run into. I stopped, waiting for him to get ahead of me, and decided to be a shield for him so he could make it to a cart, before he went in.

While in the store, in the midst of trying to find an ingredient for a recipe I was going to try, I saw a man in a wheelchair, with a small basket in front of his steering device. It had a few things in it, but not much. I noticed he had to stop every few feet, because people were walking past him, and then in front of him, and he was unable to keep going. If he did, he would hit someone. I thought to myself, “this must be exhausting to him.” The look on his face told me I was right.

As I was standing in line at the checkout, I noticed the same gentleman I had shielded coming up to a line several feet away from me. People, being as they are on a weekend, did not notice he was having difficulty going as fast as they would have liked. I could see, and he knew also, that those around him were impatiently waiting. Because of being self-conscious; he was stumbling with his groceries, and dropping some back into the basket. No one offered to help him.

By the time I had checked out, and was traveling back to my truck, I had witnessed several events that are repeated everywhere, multiple times by the elderly, and those with disabilities, and had gotten just a tiny glimpse of what they have to endure every day, in just one kind of situation. What really came to me though, was these people have to live like this every day. They have no choice in the matter.

The thoughtlessness, impatience, and outright cruelty of some people was magnified to me in this one simple trip to the store. It was an eye-opening experience.

The next time you see a disabled person in a store, or an elderly person with difficulty keeping up with everyone else, put yourself in their place; just within the time frame of where you are. It will open your eyes as well (I hope), and hopefully your heart.

Humor: Seeds of Joy

1/19/2016

Unexpected humorous moments are common in care-giving. In fact, caregiving can be enlivened by the unprompted remarks and unintentional antics of an elderly parent.

But should we feel guilty about laughing? Is our laughter a sign of disrespect or a lack of love for our family member? Do we want to laugh but don't because we're afraid of seeming insensitive?

Even in the most dire of circumstances, elder care professionals insist that it is OK, even helpful, to laugh. "Not only is laughing OK, it's absolutely necessary. However, right at the outset I will emphasize that by no means is disrespect, ridicule, vulgarity or profanity in humor ever acceptable in the care giving realm. Humor and laughter is a great tool to aid in the emotional and mental situation for both caregiver and the loved one; but it is never to be done in a way that demeans them or strips them of their dignity. This is not a difficult issue to deal with in our minds, all we need to do is ask ourselves “How would I like to be treated in if I was in their situation.” This brings clarity to our actions and behavior.

Many times caregiving is a seen as a dreadful task, and very depressing. When we go in with that attitude, that's what it becomes. It is stressful and awful, but when we're having a horrible day, a good day is sure to follow. And even in the midst of those horrible days, there are funny moments that happen. Recognize and appreciate those moments.

Finding and holding onto humorous stories of your own can help you keep an upbeat perspective in spite of the challenges of being a caregiver. When you make up your mind to set this as your goal, it improves the task immensely, and it lightens the atmosphere for both you and the loved one your caring for.

Take Alzheimer’s disease for example. It robs elders of their memories and ability to care for themselves, and that is tragic. Certainly Alzheimer's is an awful disease, and there is nothing funny about it. But there are funny moments that happen. When you laugh, you're not laughing at them; you're laughing because the moment is funny. "If we don't follow the whole spectrum of emotion, we get lost in the oppression of a chronic disease. The disease takes our dignity, our memory, and every moment of joy; if we allow it to. But the key is: we don’t have to allow it to have control of every aspect of our lives; we can rise above it, and let joy and laughter change how we manage our difficulties. Stressful activities such as bath time, if the loved one is greatly disabled can become much less of a struggle if we lighten the situation with kindness, patience and humor.

Your laughter can also send a positive, non-alarming message to the elder. If you don't get upset during a challenging, it's likely that they won't either. Laughing can turn into a tension relieving exercise for the caregiver and person with Alzheimer's who, while cognitively impaired, is still greatly influenced by ambient tensions.

Caregiving is our final walk with our loved one. We must ask ourselves these questions: What do you want that journey to look like? Do you want it be miserable and laden with despair? Or do you want it to be a special time in which special memories are made.

As a caregiver it’s important to give up the role of the martyr. The stereotype for caregivers is they are supposed to feel overwhelmed and exhausted and without hope. When that mentality takes over, it's a recipe for disaster. Don't fall into victimization. Avoid adopting this mentality. It's a horrible place to be and the longer you stay there, the more difficult it becomes to get out.

Caregiving is difficult and you cannot dismiss the gravity and hardship of the situation. But, during the tough times, don’t forget the importance of humor. Allow a smile, or humorous comment to lighten the situation, and make precious memories in your spirit, and hold them in your heart. When you're loved one is gone, you'll be glad you did.

Snapshots of Faith: No Other Way

1/19/2016

There have been times when in a conversation with someone about whether they have a relationship with the Lord, I’ve been told “My parents are good Catholics, good Baptist’s, or I acknowledge Him.” All of these answers have left me with sadness.

They have the mistaken notion that they will be given access to heaven when they die by the good merits of their parents, or that they have at least acknowledged that God exists, and this gives them access to heaven, without ever really wanting anything to do with Him. What does the scriptures tell us about these statements:

In Isaiah our own righteousness is described as filthy rags;

Isa 64:6 But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.

In another verse Paul shows us that there is no one without sin,

Rom 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

My parents, as much as I loved them, were sinners, as I am. They needed a Savior, and they had to make the decision to either receive or reject Christ for themselves. Every person has to make this decision individually, we are not able to receive eternal life through anyone’s merits. All our good deeds mean nothing to God. We cannot earn our way to heaven. Simply acknowledging God exists will not get us entry into heaven either; scripture tells us the devils believe in God, and tremble.

Jas 2:19 Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.

If I had a son, and he did all he could to avoid me, never spoke to me, or wanted any kind of relationship with me, it would clearly show me that he has no love for me. This is what God sees in the vast majority of the people he created. Not only indifference, but outright rejection of Him. One day, when this life is over, we will stand before him and give an account for our lives. He won’t be asking us about our families faith, or our good deeds. He will ask us what we did with His Son, Jesus. If you are ashamed of Him now, the day will come when you will stand before Him, and acknowledge Him for who He is, God. At that time, we will bow, either in reverence or submission. God will not be asking us to bow, we will be told to do so.

The way for us to enter eternal life in heaven, is turning to Jesus Christ, believing that He is the only begotten Son of God, and turning to Him in humble repentance, and opening our heart to Him. Asking His forgiveness, turning from our sins, and receiving Him as Savior and Lord of our lives.

Jesus makes it clear to us in John 14: 6, that He is the way; the Only way to heaven.
Joh 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

The day I surrendered to the Lord in my house in 1978, it was the most important decision I’ve ever made. It has given me a solid peace in my heart and life, that no matter what may happen in my circumstances, my future is secure. I know where I’m going, and that after this life, heaven awaits me. No one can take that from me, and it gives purpose to all anyone may face here.

If not, on that day, your opportunity will be gone; and hell awaits you. God sends no one to hell, each individual makes that decision in this life themselves. I pray anyone who reads this, and does not know Christ as Savior, will make the decision now, in this life, while they have the time to do it willingly. I hope to see you in heaven.

Keys to Good Communication

1/8/2016

Good communication is key to both family caregiver and older adult feeling good about a caregiving situation. Also, both need to be open to asking for and getting help. Help may come from family members, friends, health care providers, care services, community resources and in support groups.

The following are some tips for improving communication and handling conflict:

Step back from the situation.

By taking a step back from your family caregiving situation, you can better review reasons why things are happening and alternatives for dealing with problems. This can only be done by taking a break from caregiving duties. With a better understanding for your situation and feeling that there are options for help, your may feel relieved and better equipped to deal with your situation. You will be more open to positive discussion with your older adult.

If an older adult is constantly complaining or criticizing, a temporary break may help you understand why this is happening. You may realize that the complaining and criticizing may have nothing to do with you. The older adult may be unhappy about needing help, feels sick or uncomfortable much of the time, suffering from clinical depression or dementia, has lost contact with his or her friends or is just angry about life. Understanding that complaints and criticism aren’t because of you can help soften their effects.

If criticism aimed at you was part of your former family situation, it is unrealistic to expect that this will change. If this is the case, it is especially important to seek outside help for family caregiving needs. Outside help may include turning to family members or friends, hiring care services or utilizing free community services.

A family caregiver support group is also a good alternative. A group can help you feel less alone in dealing with issues. Also, other caregivers offer great tips in support groups on how they’ve dealt with similar situations. Support groups for people with specific illnesses are also available and may be a good place for your older adult to vent feelings.

Listen.

Everybody thinks they listen. But especially in close relationships – spousal, parent-child or close friend – people begin to complete each other’s comments or fail to hear other’s thoughts because there is an assumption of knowing what will be said. Or, in the case of an older adult constantly complaining, a caregiver is likely to tune out repeated complaints. It is human nature!

To really listen, make an effort to focus on what is being said and speak only after your older adult has finished talking. You will likely be surprised at what you hear. Think about the comments and then try to envision yourself as saying those words and why you would say them. In other words, spend time in your older adult’s shoes.

In situations where closeness has caused you to take your older adult for granted, these conscious listening periods can re-ignite feelings of empathy that may make communicating easier. Also, your increased responsiveness may be noticed by your older adult who may then be willing to try the “listening game.”

Say “I” instead of “You” statements.

It is important as a family caregiver to be assertive but not aggressive. Assertiveness helps you maintain your personal boundaries and what you are willing to accept and do as a family caregiver.

To assert how you feel and not be accusatory, it is better to use “I” statements, such as “I feel …,” “I need…,” “I will …” and “I expect …” “I” statements allow you to express your feelings and are less likely to make others feel defensive. For example, say “I feel bad about what happened,” rather than “You made me feel bad about what happened.” The other person is more likely to be open to positive discussion about what happened than be defensive about causing hurt, and will likely volunteer an apology. Also, you may find out that hurting you was unintentional.

When using “I” statements, be specific about consequences. Rather than saying “You need to pick up Mom on time or else there could be problems.” Try saying, “I can take Mom to the store, if you can pick her up at 3 p.m. If she isn’t picked up on time, Mom may wander … or … Mom will not have a place to sit and wait at the store … or Mom buys frozen foods and they could melt.” Don’t assume another person understands your reasoning for requests. Instead, they may infer that you think they are unreliable.

Find a good time for conversation.

If you know your older adult or others doing family caregiving don’t like to talk in the morning, during the evening news or in the car, plan to discuss concerns at another time. Everyone has better and worse times for talking and listening. Sometimes simply asking, “Is this a good time to talk about something that I’m concerned about?” indicates your respect for the person’s time. If the person suggests another time, defer to his or her personal judgment. However, don’t allow someone to continue to put you off. Your feelings are important.

Step Away From Emotions.

Sometimes the best way to deal with conflict is to step away it. By simply saying, “I’m sorry, I can’t discuss this anymore. Maybe we can talk later,” and step away, you are acknowledging that the discussion is important to the other person while respecting your own limitations for handling the situation. After time away from the person or issue being discussed, what was so important to stand up for in the conflict may seem of little consequence later. If after stepping away and you feel the topic is still important, the matter can be brought up at a less emotionally charged time.

Become a duck.

Envision issues causing conflict as water and you as a duck. Other than making you smile, it sends an image to your brain that issues don’t have to be important – they can be like water and roll off your back. You can decide to make issues important or unimportant. For some family caregivers, this means recognizing that personal or relationship harmony is more important than winning any argument or ever being right. For others, realizing that people rarely make other people change, works for them. Find a perspective that works for you. Repeat it mentally and even verbally to yourself as needed. This perspective can make the difference as to whether family caregiving is a stressful, worrisome experience filled with conflict or generally a good experience that you choose to have.

Snapshots of Faith: A Study In James Ch. 4

1/8/2016

James 4:13-5:6 Boasting About Tomorrow/Warning to the Wealthy
Memory verse: 4:15

James is again coming back to the subject of wealth and pride. Where had he addressed it previously? (James 1:9-10)

Earlier, James encouraged a person poor (in money) to take pride in his position as a believer and a wealthy person to take pride in trials that bring him low and perhaps take away some or all of his wealth. Basically, he is saying "take pride in your beliefs, not in your wealth."

From the verses in toward the end of Chapter 4, do you get the impression that James is opposed to planning?

You might get that impression. But I don't think James is saying that planning is bad, rather he saying not to count on your plans coming to pass. Probably they will, but maybe they won't. As we see in many places, only if it is God's will, will your plans come to pass (Psalm 37:5, Proverbs 27:1, Luke 12:18-20, Acts 18:21).

Is he opposed to making a profit?

No. He is speaking out against you taking credit for your plans and boasting of them (verses 4:16-17, 1 Corinthians 5:6).

What is his message to these businessmen?

Because the Holy Spirit is in you, you know what you ought to do (vs 4:17). Follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and not that of men.

What did Jesus teach similarly? (Luke 12:16-21)

A warning about making your own plans and trying to store up worldly wealth.

Have you ever worried about money?

Of course. Who hasn't?

What assurance did Jesus give us? (Matthew 6:25-27)

Don't worry about things. God will take care of you and all your worries will not add a single moment to your life.

When James speaks of 'mist' in Verse 4:14, he is referring to Hosea 13:3. Why?

In speaking of people who disobey the Lord and worship idols, Hosea says "they will disappear like the morning mist..." This is a very important cross reference which leads us to the next question.

What is the sin that these businessmen are practicing?

They are worshiping their own plans and wealth as an idol, as their God. They are disobeying the first and greatest commandment. (Mark 12:29-30)

Notice that James moves directly from the sin of boasting (a sin of commission) to another type of sin in Verse 4:17. What is it?

Not listening and following the Holy Spirit that is in you (a sin of ommission).

Did Jesus address such sins in his teaching? (Matthew 23:23-24)

Basically, Jesus is saying, if you know the right thing to do, DO IT! See also Luke 12:47 and John 9:41.

James is speaking to two distinct audiences. Who are they?

In the first four chapters, James is addressing all Jewish Christians. But the first six verses in Chapter 5 are specifically adressed to wealthy Jews who he considers to be "rich oppressors." These six verses are written similarly to Old Testament verses that address pagans, so it is likely that these Jews are not Christians.

At the start of Chapter 5, James seems to change his tone. How would you describe it now?

A direct and harsh warning.

He certainly does not hold back his feelings. Why?

He is very concerned about these people because first, they are not believers and second, they are oppressing others and believe only in themselves and their wealth.

Is he opposed to wealth?

No. It is not money per se that corrupts, but the love of money. (1 Timothy 6:10, Hebrews 13:5)

What is his concern?

That they will be corrupted by their wealth. That it will become their idol, their God. That hoarding money will testify against them in the day of judgement. (1 Timothy 4:1, 2 Timothy 3:1, 1 John 2:18)

What is his message to us 21st century Christians?

Exactly the same as it was to those in the first century. Don't let the love of money become your idol. In the end, you will be judged by God and your wealth won't matter a mite, but how you have used it will.

What was Jesus' teaching in the Sermon on the Mount on the subject of wealth?" (Matthew 6:19-21)

Come on now, you really don't need me to explain this one.

As a believer, where is our treasure?

Our treasure is in heaven. Anything done in this life that has eternal value. In this context, it specifically refers to using ones material wealth for good causes.

How can we live with that belief in the world today?

Note: A 2009 teaching for Teen Challenge; written for a classroom setting.